I have a temporary problem (let’s hope!) but a problem, nonetheless. I cut my foot in a significant enough way to inhibit my normal living by causing me to rely on crutches for ambulating. On the bottom of my right foot are cuts (rather than a single cut) that are too painful and open-woundlike to walk on. My toes are swollen so that the most movement I get out them is a slight unified wiggle. It’s kind of depressing, kind of entertaining, definitely worthy of recording via blog post.
As one might perceive from the rest of my posts on here, I’m quite the purpose-driven and purpose-attaching soul to every day living. I’m not sure if my search for meaning in the details of life is a preoccupation I can’t shake, a worthy natural attribute of mine, or some form of fearful living in the 21st century (“what’s the point of it all?!”). I’m reliable to do it, whatever the reason, and I’ve done it for my current situation.
But first a quick reflection on immobility: it is hard to use crutches! It hurts your armpits. You lean in to the hard rubber of the crutches (just think about the people who used wooden crutches!) and your arms are sore. You leg muscles are also sore from putting all of your weight on one leg so that the other is relieved. I think my left side may never have been stronger. Another thing: you can’t carry anything when you use them. You have to use a backpack or get creative to transport any item. It makes for considering every move from one place to another to consolidate effort. In that way it reminds me of traveling and living out of your backpack. Every move is sort of strategic. The trouble and frustration of this is real! It’s why I question God with my always question: “why?”
It might be because I am so meaning/purpose aware that I appreciate conversations I have with coworkers, friends, and strangers about my injury. I’ve reasoned to myself that there might be something in those conversations that is creating something meaningful for both parties that might not have otherwise been inspired had I not hobbled in to my office on one leg and metal this Monday morning. I think I believe that there is something to it. I sort of think my injury humanized me a bit more to a doctor I work with. We joked about it together – the first time I’ve seen him chuckle since working with him. It’s not “worth it” to me to sustain an injury for the sake of a conversation but it’s worth it if it’s for the sake of an actual human relationship. Not that something like that hangs on some sort of sacrifice on my part. I didn’t sacrifice my foot of my will – I fell and landed on a sharp object. A cosmic lottery outcome. But, I’m a believer in God. A believer to the point that I see he is my source and the point of my life and that everything comes from him. This idea isn’t arrived at easily. It comes at pains and griefs. I believe it, though, and I see (look for) his design in everything.
Another thing I see now that I didn’t see before: people with disabled mobility. This little bity issue of my foot that should heal up provided no persistent bacteria invasion, makes me feel for the crutch users, the wheelchair bound, the walk with a limp and cane crew. This formation of empathy and sympathy for the person that is not able cannot be a wasted lesson. I’m trying to be a health care professional eventually. This will help.
Is it worthwhile to always look for the meaning? Is every little thing some strategic multi-layer, multi-meaning plan of God? Well… yeah, I sort of think so. Maybe it’s not. It helps me, though, to look for the not immediately apparent good in an annoying situation. I’m sure this injury will get more and less annoying in some ways throughout the week. Whatever. Bring it on. An experience is worth having as it may be a lesson to learn.
Onward to the rest of the week!
millennial musing 