thurs thoughts

So…

I’m trying to be an adult, a grown woman, someone mature and giving, fulfilling my potential. Being an adult requires doing hard things that you don’t want to do. It requires wisdom and due diligence. Somehow I think of it as being a guard on the wall of a fortress. You are aware, awake, keeping an eye on what approaches. You make the decision to let something or someone in or not. Like all examples this will break down somewhere but for right now it’s what I want to consider and do. I am guarding my fortress, the little city of me. The little city of me is under my management and care. It is possible for my little town to be healthy. It is possible for my little self to be healthy – not just physically but in every way. I want to be healthy in my relationships, in my thinking, in my judgments, in my expenditures, in my agreements. I want to operate on a grander scale and let the “little” kingdom of me thrive.

This is all alluding. There are real particulars that I apply these allusions to but not here, of course. In my day to day and I work toward being mature and responsible in everything I do – with everything that touches me or enters my circle. I work toward my destiny – I am not exactly sure how my destiny comes in to play here but for some reason that sounds right.

And this sounds like there is no room for fun and rest. Do you get to have fun and rest when you are standing guard, being a watchwoman to the fortress of you? Not having fun and not resting is not healthy so there’s room for those things. There is a greater guardian, anyway, “He who keeps you will not slumber” (Psalm 121).

True health involves knowing and relying on and developing relationship with the one who made you. It is an understatement to say there are many thoughts on who or what God is. The mature person (the person on the journey to be mature), I think, knows to acknowledge and seek for this being and what affect it/she/he has on human life. As usual, as I’ve said before and will say again, there’s nothing I can do or say to convince a nonbelieving person of God as fact and interactive with humanity. I have many personal accounts of uncanny experiences involving prayer and miracles but even that is sometimes not enough to convince me. It’s just something uncanny. The whisper of faith is what I have to go on. It says, “love is the standard. Health is the standard.” And it is always punctuated with reference to Christ Jesus – the hinge of history. This is my only way forward to maturity – swallowing my pride (or maybe puking it out!) and trusting the faintest but loudest whisper of direction that, “Christ is lord, follow him.”

Thursday thoughts.

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