til death do us part

A few friends of mine have encouraged me to write a column or blog on dating on a number of occasions because I always seem to have new funny dating stories to tell.  Of course, writing about them does not appeal to me because the funniest details would be obvious to the person I’m writing about.  Not that any person I’ve dated would read my blog/column thing – you never know.  Privacy is a wonderful thing.  If you want to hear the real funny stuff, we need to talk in person.  There is a recent dating story, however, that inspired a new thought that I think is audience appropriate.  (Again, I realize I have very little audience.  Nevertheless, public is public.)  I recently abruptly started dating and abruptly stopped dating a fellow I rather like.  I now find it hard to stop thinking about him/a potential us.  While I have an easy enough time getting over the “wrong one,” we stopped seeing each other for fear we are each other’s “wrong one” and I’m having a terrible time moving my mind away from the subject.  I’ve experienced this before.  My feelings take over.  Desire for someone takes the stage and sings its song while reason, backstage, late and unrehearsed, tries rather fumbly to get presentable.  It’s a confusing middle ground to occupy.  My commitment to action once a defect has been realized usually precedes my internal preparation for the change and I’m always catching up after the fact.  That’s the current state of things.

Cool air accompanied me on a walk back from the grocery store yesterday.  The surprising mild weather made the inside of my overly air-conditioned downtown apartment an easy pass for the evening.  I had to pick up a few items anyway so I added a little walk to my route in order to soak up the fresh breeze and pretty clouds.  A song I had listened to earlier in the day popped up in my mind and gave me a realistic break from the forcefulness of my feelings for the fellow I’ve stopped seeing.  It’s a cute song.  I’m not sure how I ever first came across it.  I spend a fair amount of time looking for new-to-me music on the internet so at some point this thing made it’s way to a permanent playlist of mine. It’s the abc’s of love:

“A, I love you. Never going to let you
B alone now. Always going to help you
C you are the only one I want to love.
Repeat.”

It’s a sweetly cute song by Alexander Fairchild.  Do you ever have a lyric suddenly land on your conscience?  Yesterday evening, on the way back home, a lyric further on in the song made its way into my thought soil and grew, thankfully.

“Whatever happens to us, it’s fine.
Like if we don’t even have a dime.
Because we will see what we have in time,
in time, in time.”

Walking along my familiar path home, the line grew into a tree of thought:  would I want to be poor with this person I’m contemplating so much? Would I want to be sick with him? Would I want to commit all of my love to only him?  The old-fashioned, time-tested marriage vows appeared in my soul like a test love needs to take.  “For richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sickness, in health, til death parts us.”  The thought is a plumb line for this potential relationship I’m pondering.  I want those thoughts to guide me in my choice in spouse.

It often does not feel like some great choice.  I’m not facing a line-up of men, letting the officer in charge of the search know,  “No, none of them.  Let’s keep looking.”  I’m waiting, hoping for some perfect person to walk into my life, have all things in common, and have the eyes to see me as the most beautiful and best woman in the world.  That seems like a lot to hope for.  I am often praying for the Lord to place me and this magical person together without much seeking on either of our parts.  The seeking after is what seems so unappealing to me.  I want to rely on my Heavenly Father to bring it at the right time.  So perhaps it is like the line-up.  So far, Lord, we’re still searching.

Anyway, waiting and hoping and seriously considering the folks that do make their way into my life is the right course of things for me.  And my encouragement to others is to consider if this person in your life is someone with whom you want to be poor, to be sick, to have bad days.

I hope in the end I have a someone to have and hold.  The experiences God has given me equip me to answer honestly whether or not I want to be poor and sick with a person.  What else is there to do in dating but wait, hope, and be present?